Perhaps Doom: The Dark Ages Didn’t Need Mechs and Dragons After All

Alright, so here’s the thing with Doom: The Dark Ages—I get all jazzed up when we’re talking the shield parrying. Seriously, who thought shields in an FPS would work? But here we are, and I’m all over it. Especially the shotgun though, like if I could marry a virtual weapon, that’d be it. But these mech and dragon bits? They got me scratching my head like a confused meerkat. Totally feels like someone threw darts at a “cool ideas” board blindfolded.

So, piloting this Atlan thing feels like Pacific Rim fan fiction. You’re this giant mech, right? Just stomping around like you own the place… but like, no chainsaw shield? I mean, come on, the Doom Slayer loves slashing things up. Instead, it’s all about dodging skyscraper-sized demons—like playing tag with buildings. It’s fun for a hot minute but doesn’t pack the punch of the usual parry madness. Wait, where was I going with this?

Oh right, then suddenly you get this massive gun and BAM, that’s when it clicks. Shooting demons like it’s an art form. But charging ammo by dodging? Who dreamt that up? It’s like giving a cat a spreadsheet to fill out.

And let me tell you, the dragon levels, geez… could’ve been epic—a dragon with laser wings, come on, right? But nah, you end up just hanging there in mid-air, twiddling your thumbs waiting for a turret to take a shot. Turrets, seriously? There’s all this build-up, and you’re just trying not to yawn. But zooming around blasting demon planes? Now that’s the good stuff. Reminds me of those space shooter games where you’d lose yourself for hours on a lazy Saturday afternoon.

And here’s the kicker, Doom knows how to nail it with its medieval tech vibe and wild arsenal. But those are the gems that make the awkward dragon rides and mech misfires even more obvious, like a misstep in a rock concert. Ah well, maybe next time we’ll get a dragon that feels like it really belongs in Doom-land and not in a “what if” brainstorming session.