Welcome to the whirlwind that is Next Week on Xbox! Buckle up, ’cause we’re diving into the chaos of new games heading your way. Not gonna lie, I got sidetracked thinking about why Xbox PC is a thing—doesn’t PC just kinda exist on its own? Anyway, here we go. Get comfy.
First up, we’ve got “Mafia: The Old Country.” Set in the early 1900s Sicily (where I reckon the pasta tasted better), this one’s all about making your mark in the gritty mob world. Play as Enzo and try not to get… um, “reprimanded” by the Family. Drops August 8th. Mark your calendars. Or don’t. Your call.
Next, “GRADIUS ORIGINS” is gonna hit you right in the nostalgia. Eighteen versions of old arcade goodness from Konami. Ever heard of Salamander III? Yeah, me neither, until now. Launching on August 7th.
And then there’s “Dark Steel Legends” on August 5th. Mercenaries, blood, and ambitions clashing. Sounds intense, right? It’s all medieval-style combat in Ravenfell—I assume they wear armor, though chainmail seems like such a hassle to maintain.
Oh, “Demon Slayer -Kimetsu no Yaiba- The Hinokami Chronicles 2.” That’s a mouthful. You’ll be slicing demons with Tanjiro. Bonus points if you can say the full name three times fast. Drops August 5th, too.
For something lighter, “Little Helper Cafe.” Picture this: a hedgehog pushing sugar cubes. August 5th. It sounds bizarre but kind of adorable? I seriously need a hedgehog now.
“Witch It” transforms everyday objects into witches—because why trust a chair? It’s multiplayer hide and seek dropping the same day. Because obviously, we all need trust issues with everyday objects.
“Alien Breakout,” with its retro pixel art, has you escaping a human lab (nothing creepy about that). Landing on August 6th for your extraterrestrial escapades.
Then there’s “Bonk ‘N Bash,” where a feisty dino tries to save dino eggs. It sounds like the plot of my life after a big dinner. Erupts August 6th.
And “Destination Paradise Collector’s Edition”? You’re hunting hidden objects across the globe. But more than that, the game probably has stunning visuals, or so they claim. Same release date.
Meanwhile, “Ringo’s Roundup” is about a bunny and mail—seriously, who comes up with this? August 6th. Side hustle ideas: start mailing stuff like a bunny.
“Parking World” hits on August 7th, where you manage parking (finally, a game about life’s real drama!). I wonder if you get to shout at people who can’t parallel park.
And then there’s “Slopecrashers.” Snowboard, animals, chaos. Reminds me of my last ski trip. August 7th is its runway. Or slope? Whatever.
Now, “Jewel Match Solitaire Winterscapes 2” arrives. Solitaires and quests, probably some snow involved. I’m just hoping it’s as chill as it sounds on August 7th.
“Unicorns – The Troll Adventure” brings magic, battles, and yes, unicorns. August 7th—it’s like Harry Potter’s wild cousin or something brutal and mythical.
We’ve got “Candy Trail” on the radar, launching August 7th, where ice creams apparently walk. For real, this sounds more fun than a sugar high.
“Detail Hunter” tests your spotting skills. Find differences, find peace. Kind of like where’s Waldo but more intense? Arriving August 7th.
And just when you think you’ve seen it all, “Fruitbus.” Travel, cook, and charm your way through islands. Starts on August 7th. Seriously sweet.
“Mystery Hotel: Hidden Objects” enters on August 7th. Detective work meets scenic views, and you’re the Sherlock or Nancy Drew. Take your pick.
Moving on, “CASE RECORDS: Fear of Abduction.” Psychological horror meets detective vibes. Love these? Dive in on August 8th. Warning: might induce nightmares.
“DeviLevel: Try Again” tests you like an annoying pop quiz. August 8th is the day for masochists. Just kidding. Kinda.
Then “Genopanic” lets you explore space stations with a side of mutated creatures. You know, just your typical Tuesday stuff. Out on August 8th.
“Hex Cats” has you playing with yarn and cats… in game form. August 8th, when cats and puzzles collide. Honestly, a dream come true.
“Knowledge, or Know Lady,” a wild romance adventure where you’re the guy at an all-girls school. Drops on August 8th; chaos on campus, surely.
“Pet Show” hits August 8th for adorable surprises. I mean, who doesn’t want to uncover cute animals?
“Pocket Rockets” is like playing Tetris with rockets. August 8th will be the day for precision. Or frustration. You got this.
“Mortal Glory 2” is for those into fantasy, gladiators, and turn-based strategy. Debuts August 8th, where battles for glory await.
“Sokocat: Dungeon – Remastered” brings cats and puzzles together—probably the most important combo. Launched on August 8th. Don’t let the block get ya.
To wrap this up with “Therapist Simulator,” you’re talking to virtual clients trying to solve virtual problems. It’s out August 8th—for those seeking to “listen patiently.”
Finally, “Windborn – Wings of Fate” where bird navigation becomes a brave quest. August 8th, for those wanting to fly high beyond reality.
Last but not least, “Zooparasite” lands August 8th, where you face chemical disasters and, probably, facepalm moments. After all, exploring means knowing when to run.
Whew! That’s the line-up. So save those dates because real life is overrated compared to these chaotic digital adventures!
